Monkey's Birth Story

Quite strangely, I went into labor at the same time as Munchkin's - 2 days early at 3:30am! Though, the similarities ended there! I let my husband and son sleep, and started calling my mother to notify her so she could drive here in time to watch my son. Unable to sleep, I decided to get out of bed and bake some muffins for breakfast and make sure I had all my ducks in a row so to speak. I was having contractions the whole time, but they were short - maybe 30seconds; so, I just paused to breathe, visualize and such. Eventually the boys got up and grandma arrived. I notified my doctor's office when contractions were 5min apart (about 9am) but my husband had some work he needed to do so I took a bath to slow things down. Unfortunately, they slowed too much (to about 7min apart). Then, around noon I posted to Facebook that I was feeling discouraged and thinking it was going to be another long labor. I snapped one last picture of my pregnant belly and tried to get things going again by bouncing on the exercise ball. BAD idea - way too painful. So I tried to rest in bed on my side. No luck. 


Then, very soon after I got dressed, contractions jumped to just 4min apart, lasting 60sec but then after just 10seconds, ANOTHER 60second contraction would start! It was WEIRD, and they became more intense as well - to the point I had to vocalize to get through them! As soon as I could talk, I told hubby he needed to finish up because we needed to leave ASAP! By the time we got out the door, I could barely support myself through the contractions, but was managing the pain pretty well using the hypno-birth breathing exercises, and meditations of acceptance, surrender, allowance, and so on. However, when it came to actually getting IN the van...this proved difficult. I couldn't IMAGINE sitting down, knowing the pain would be intolerable. So, in the 2minutes I had between contractions, I climbed in the seat backwards and held onto the headrest. Munchkin, who was watching all this from his carseat, quickly scolded me for not wearing my seatbelt; so, after the next contraction (which was stronger and louder now that I was almost squatting) I somehow got the seatbelt around my huge body and reassured him I was 'safe.' (After that, he scarcely said a word for the rest of the 25minute drive!) For the first part of the drive, I was still coherent enough to yell at my husband for his driving. For the later half, I had to hold my hypno-birth type of recordings to my ear to keep it together as not to scare my son!

We arrived at about 1:25pm. Naturally, I refused (via a head-shake) all FOUR wheelchairs that were offered to me, even though I was having to put all my weight on my husband during contractions. I simply had NO strength left in my legs from mostly being on my feet since 3:30am. Slowly, but loudly I made my way to the Labor/Delivery floor as the contractions seemed to be coming one on top of another by then. I do remember two strange things at this point: First, MANY people randomly asked my husband if it was my first birth. Later, the nurse told me this was because that gives them an indication of how much time they have to work with. And 2)I remember my husband requesting they hold the elevator for us, only to walk up to it being FULL, and I said "Huh-ah...Are you kidding!?" I'm not laboring in there with all those people! LOL

When in the LD room I immediately started undressing (!), had a contraction, then climbed onto the bed backward, essentially kneeling. At this point while putting on the fetal monitors, my L/D nurse figured out I was in back-labor and suggested counter-pressure on my sacrum. It SAVED me! Although, my husband was the only one strong enough to apply enough pressure to make a difference!! Meanwhile, a doctor entered, introducing himself (I still don't know his name, but later found out he was a resident) and when he made his way to my side, I remember hearing him say to me DURING a contraction, "Okay, Ma'am. We'll just get you your epidural and break your water, and you'll have your ba--" I responded the only way I could: non-verbally...bulging my eyes and vigorously shaking my head! When I could talk again, I said "No. Not what...I want! Birthplan...Honey, birthplan," as I pointed to my bag. When handed the big folder of papers, the doctor's eyes widened at the size. (No worries! In reality, he only needed to read the first few bullet points of the first page!) He skimmed it, and said no problem, but added, "First things first, we need to check how dilated you are." I thought, "Oh yeah. Of course," then proceeded to plead with him to lie on my side, insisting with something like "I can't do it. I just CANNOT lie on my back. Please don't make me lie on my back." He consented, and I heard him say I was 7CM!!!! A HUGE wave of endorphins rushed over me, because although I felt the urge to push while kneeling in the van and lobby, I didn't want to get my hopes up for anything more than 4CM. So, the next choice was whether to break the waters or not. And I was just about to decide when I felt a contraction coming on, and had an inkling it was going to break anyway. It DID! The next few contractions brought with them an urge to bear down, so he did another awkward cervical check, and...9 1/2CM! ("Yay!!") A few more contractions and my body was pushing the baby for me. I recall saying "Wooooooww" through the contractions because it was such an overwhelming physical sensation :-) I got the OK to bear-down, and several pushes (on my part) later, Monkey was here! I almost COULDN'T believe it. I mean, in my mind we had *just* arrived to the hospital, afterall, and I didn't even have an IV in! 

When I saw him for the first time, my eyes went straight to his HAIR, then his face and body. He just had so much hair! One of the highlights of the whole thing, was that my friend Allison arrived just in time for his birth, and stayed until I was able to settle into my room. GaGa brought Munchkin to the hospital that night to meet his brother for the first time :-) 

It was all so powerful, so wonderful - almost overwhelming.

How was it different?

I couldn't possibly list them all, but the major differences were: 

1) It was a third as long! (Yay!!!)

2) It was intervention-less. In part, it was because there was simply no time for anything to be done, not even a simple HepLock, nor a more complicated epidural, nor breaking the waters early (like previous birth), and so on. But also, I was more mentally prepared and resolved about it this time; they would've had to work really hard to convince me the risks outweighed any benefit. 

3) Recovery from the tear was a breeze compared to the first time around.   

4) It was MUCH more physically demanding: From being on my feet, gripping the bed's side-bars, and the strength of the contractions, etc. (Honestly, I wish I was more prepared; my abs and thighs were literally fatigued and 'shaky' for weeks.)

5) It was also more 'positive' generally speaking in that the natural endorphins were stronger and/or more plentiful this time and lasted for days! Mentally, I was sharp and alert postpartum, and morale was actually high!  

Defining Christmas for my family...

Having kids makes you literally rethink almost every decision and action you make - from what restaurants to go to and which cleaning products to use to how you celebrate the holidays. I've avoided it for 2 Thanksgivings and Christmases, but this year I knew I had to face it head on! Munchkin is old enough that I knew he'd hear about Santa, knew he'd see light displays at night and probably ask why they're done. Most influential is the fact that this year we will be celebrating Christmas at our home for the first time! So I had to come up with some answers fast. Unfortunately, the questions I would likely encounter piled up much faster than the answers. 

-Why put up a tree? Lights? Wreaths?

-Who's Santa? (Ssetting aside for at least this year the question of whether he's real. Whew!) 

-What's Advent? 

-What's Christmas?

-Why DO I bake so many cookies!?

-How many presents should I give to him? 

-Are traditions even important? Afterall, I didn't grow up with any...

So shortly after Thanksgiving, I started asking all my family and friends to share their traditions with me. Some were surprisingly meaningful, wonderfully thoughtful, and resonated with me, while others were rather goofy and didn't 'stick'. That said, the common theme was HOW the tradition was executed - either as a family or by "only mom and I," for example. Those relationships that were nurtured seemed to be what had the lasting impact. Also, underlying them was the fact that the child was made to feel special and/or part of a family unit! When trying to draw our our traditions from the suggestions given, we kept that in mind. We also tried to only start what we could maintain; after all, our children, (and we) will 'mature.' Although I hate to admit it, toddlers do indeed turn into teens with ideas of their own!

So here's the answers that we came up with and have explained to Muchkin, thus far:  

1. "Santa is the nickname for Saint Nicolas. He was a real person long ago who gave gifts to needy kids. Some people say he still comes and gives gifts to kids, but no one really knows. It's a wonderful mystery!"

2. "Christmas is the day we celebrate when Jesus was born. He was a very special man who taught many people how to love eachother and to give openly to those in need."

3. "We remember him by doing things like decorating an evergreen tree and putting up evergreen wreaths. His love for all his creation is as constant as an evergreen tree's color. And also we remember him by singing hymns and carols about him." And so on...

4. "Advent is how we count the days from Thanksgiving, up to Christmas. We'll state each day what we're thankful for and how we can show our appreciation for it." (Specifics below.)

5. "And we are so thankful for daddy that we will write a special letter to him about how much we love him." (Come to find out, this is actually an old Italian tradition as well. They place it under the dad's plate on Christmas Eve!)

6. "On Christmas Eve, we will set up the Nativity scene of Jesus' birth and tell the story. Then, we'll give eachother 3 gifts like he received: Gold = one gift you want, Frankincense = one you need, and Myrrh = one that will help you grow. And maybe Santa will even bring you a stocking in the morning with some goodies in it". (Of course, he'll get one, which will serve to occupy him while I make a nice breakfast Christmas day.) 

7. "I chose to bake cookies because I'm thankful for our neighbors, and friends, and firefighters, and others, and want to show them that we appreciate them."

8. We do ________ because we love eachother!  (This will hopefully be the answer that explains any other tasks we perform or behaviors we exhibit - NOT to include pepper-spraying fellow shoppers!)

9. Repetitions of the above: Attend our town's Tree Lighting event, attend performances of the carols and the like.

10. Lights: "These don't really have anything to do with Christmas that I know of, Munchkin, but because it's wintertime. We celebrate the winter season by making warm fires, roasting marshmallows, putting up beautiful garlands and we light them on the longest day of the year: usually December 22." Adding in that "Some people like the lights and decorations SO much, they put them up reeeaaally early, Sweety!"   

Advent calendar: Here's the list we came up with for this year. We were able to do about 1/2 of them this year, which I'd call success considering I started this endeavor the 5th and am pregnant! If the daily tasks get overwhelming as the kids are in school and have additional obligations, I could also see it being done on a weekly basis, focussing on one category each week. For instance, the first week being thankful for things we're given (and in return giving to those who don't have those things), the next week centered on community, the next week focus on family/friends. Then, the week leading to the 25th, focus on Jesus. Some people even continue these advents as counting toward the new year so as to avoid the anti-climax that happens on the 26th!  (I formatted the list as: We're thankful for X, so let's do Y.)  I intend to just print them out and cut them into little strips that I can fit into his Advent Tree drawers.

1. Blessings we have. Bless others in need

*For having so many toys to play with. Because we have so many, let's sort through our toys today and see how many we can share with other kids who need toys . (Or for older kids, video games and the like, or go out together to buy some new ones to donate.)

*For healthy bodies and healthy food to eat the whole year round. So let's go grocery shopping today, buying food for kids and families who don't have enough food today. (Or when kids are older let's go give blood to help someone who needs it.)

*For the gift of plenty of food to eat all year round. Many kids and families don't have enough to fill their bellies, and don't ever get to have treats like Chocolate, Candies, Popcorn, and Lollipops, so let's go to the grocery store today and buy those things to donate to kids.

*For the gift of God's love that never leaves us, just like the greenery of an evergreen tree! (Tree Decorating Day)

*For the gift nature and its beauty, smells, and sounds. So let's make some treats for the birds to enjoy outside this cold winter! Or we could gather pine cones and leaves and acorns to spray with glitter and decorate the house or some other nature craft.

*For the gift of having a beautiful home that keeps us safe from the winter weather. So let's decorate our home with fun paper chains  and paper snowflakes today. Or when kids are older, let's give a donation to Habitat for Humanity. 

*For the gift of wintertime when all things rest except the evergreen, which is like God's love. So let's decorate our house with evergreen garlands and wreaths today. We'll light them on the Longest Night of the year.

2. Community: 

*For all the extra special 'treats' we get to enjoy in life like cookies and candies. So let's bake some cookies to share some treats with the people we appreciate the whole year round.  

*For our local firefighters who protect us. So lets write them a note of thanks, and take some treats to them.

*For our neighbors. So let's  deliver our treat bags we made them Candies, Cookies, an Ornament!?

*For our teachers who help us learn and grow. So let's give them their cookies/gift, and a note that lists all the things we've learned from them.

*For our mailcarrier, barber, doctor, and so on. So let's write them a note too.

*For our Mayor, Pastors, School Principle, and others. So let's write them each a note of thanks.

*For our local food bank workers. So let's write a note to the employees to thank them for their work.

*For the troops who protect us.  So let's write and send them cards.

*For the sacrifices that the troops' families make.  They have to stay behind and sometimes need our support. So let's show them our appreciation today by giving them something special!

3. Friends/Family: 

*For our friends. So let's give them their cards/gifts/cookies.*For Mommy and all she does for us through the year. So today we'll do something special for mom (take her to dinner, make something special, or write  her a letter telling her how much you love her.

*For dad working so hard all throughout the year.  So today, let's write daddy a letter telling him how much we love him.

*For time spent together as a family. So let's go take a Night Drive to see all the beautiful light displays.

*For having Mom & Dad and Brothers/Sisters who love us. So let's enjoy each other's company tonight by watching a funny movie, playing games together, and laughing a lot!

"Date-specific" Activities:

*For the great community of people we are a part of, so let's go be with them to watch the town's Tree Lighting event!

*For Jesus' coming into the world as a baby long ago. So let's set up the Nativity Scene Christmas Eve.

*For the Longest Night of the year and how things will only get brighter after tonight! So let's have a fire (bonfire when they're older) and have Hot Dogs, Veggies, Smores, and Hot Cocoa

*For Jesus' Birth. So let's celebrate with a cake (or cupcake/muffin) and a lit candle.

*For beautiful music and the local fine arts. So let's attend a Messiah performance. (Or when kids are older have a “Silent Night” at home – turn off the cell phones, computers, and all technology that begins with the letter 'i' to play board games as a family, listen to some carols or holiday music, drink hot apple cider, and so on.

Other Activity Ideas: 

*For living in the US and having the freedom to celebrate the change of season as we wish, so let's learn about ways other people chose to celebrate this special time of year: Kwanza, Hannukah, and so on.

*For our Heritage. So let's have a Christmas Curry Night and invite some friends over. (or go out to an Indian dinner with friends!) (You could fill in anything from something from your culture's customs). 

*For our neighborhood. So let's go for a walk and pick up trash today.

*For our town having  a great playpark for us to enjoy. So let's go to the park today, and if we see any trash lying around we'll pick it up.

*For our house and its fireplace that keeps us warm. So today, we'll give blankets to families/newborn babies in need, and create a fire tonight remembering that others are cold. 

If you've read this far, then I'll add that I just discovered, last night, something called Advent Conspiracy.  (Here's the Youtube video about it.) After viewing it, it's made me rethink *some* of what's above and you may just see a post around November 2012 containing some changes to the list above!


Merry Christmas to all!

Who am I? What are we!?

Who are we really? Are we our experiences? Are we our struggles/triumphs? Does our consciousness/self continue to exist after our physical body dies?  I just listened to this fabulous discussion between a neuroscientist who studies states of mind, a cardiologist who studies "clinical-dead" survivors, and a philosopher who bridges the gap between Western and Eastern philosophies about states of being:  FOUND HERE.  Listen and see what you think and if it challenges your thoughts about "who you really are" in any way!  


That said, one of the guests spoke about real experiences of clinically dead people who have "come back."  AMAZING! Along those lines, I'd like to share here with you about my grandfather's experience. Around 1980 he had heart-related near-death experience and had the EXACT same description of it, as the patients described in the stories.  He described it as a wholly enveloping feeling of being unified, one with his family, and with all that he knew. Whatever words best describe it, it changed him ENTIRELY (so my mother and aunts/uncles tell me). That you'd never know him as the man they grew up with. Now, for HIM, this desire to understand what happened to him manifested in a earnest *religious* pursuit of what that experience was and what it meant.  He came to believe the truth was Christianity.  He said it was the feeling of his family's energy in the room emotionally (and forcefully) pulling him back to his physical body that "brought him back." But he said it was so tempting to want to stay "there" -- ONE! As if it were *their intentions* for him to return that brought him back. He is now deceased, but I am glad I was able to know him, and know him as the reborn person - wise, compassionate, and loving.   

What Moms Really Want for Christmas....

Ha, you're kidding right!?  Nobody knows that, except her!  No matter how long a woman's been a mom, there's no way to generalize and proclaim what all moms want. Although, many articles I've read recently online have certainly tried, naming the typical candles, perfume, jewelry, and such.  Not that those things are "wrong" but you simply can't say that any one thing or "10 top things" will fit all moms. One article actually suggested tools & storage tubs in it's top ten!  (No joke -- HERE it is!)  Those items are certainly useful, but who would pass up a day at the spa for a set of wrenches!?  One of my favorite (and completely unexpected) answers to this question came from a mom of older children HERE!  And no, moms certainly don't want the proverbial kitchen sink thrown at them either, in hopes that one of many items pleases her. This method only shows just how little thought was put into her gift.

When my sisters and I were young I remember one Christmas we all got together to choose a "birthstone ring" for my mom that we thought was so special.  But she probably just wanted a week off from doing her 3 teenage girls' laundry or a day to sleep in each week!  I'm sure we asked her what she wanted, but received the usual response: "I don't need anything, girls. Don't waste your money on me."  So we went with what the ad agencies told us: "Any mom would be happy with...." (insert candles, perfumes, soaps, etc).  I've learned a lot since then.  Now, I ask her each year, and she asks for a pair of earrings -- and that exactly what I get her!

That's my tried and true approach.  Asking!  Surprises are nice on Christmas morning, but what if the mom hates the item every other day of the year and it ends up in the box headed to Goodwill?!!  Ultimately the only way to choose the perfect gift is by asking.  (Although, you may have to add a threat that if she isn't honest, her gift will be set of wrenches!)  Seriously, moms are women, and who is the only person who will really know what she wants?  She will. (Well, most will!)  So ask!  

While it's true that you can't generalize about material gifts, it's also true that no mom would turn down some time away, with or without Mr. Right by her side!  Time to do whatever her heart desires: maybe read a waste-of-time-and-money magazine, get a massage, read a book, or SLEEP!  Just some "time off" :-)

**This comes with a caveat: General categories are not allowed.  

You can't let her just say JEWELRY, for instance.  Either let her select it or give her a gift card with a memo line stating what it's for!  For instance, I would not be pleased if my husband bought me a watch simply because I said JEWELRY and he saw a "Jareds" commercial!  I don't want a watch that's picked out by someone else, and he bought me one the first year we were together (selected by me) and I LOVED it and STILL love it.  I wouldn't want a new one!  Other women I know just don't wear necklaces, or don't like a certain style of jewelry, etc.  So be specific moms and hopefully, you'll get exactly what you asked for!!  

And for the record, that article linked above was way off: 

DON'T get ANY mom ANYTHING on the following list 

unless she ASKS for it specifically: 

Tools, Appliances (large or small), "Junk-of-the-month Club" subscriptions, Knick-knacks (aka dust-collectors), nor anything that requires more work or maintenance on her part  ;-)

Tea for you? Tea for ME!!

In my sisters' and my childhood one of our aunts took us to experience high tea at formal tea parlors on numerous occasions.  What an experience!  We understood, even then, that it was something very special she was sharing with us.  After meeting my hubby I've learned more about partaking in tea as a means to reconnect at the end of a long work day(both his and mine at home), but before all our evening tasks begin (i.e. preparing dinner, exercising, feeding/bathing Munchkin).  It's time for us to be reminded that we're a team, that we are united!  And I'm sure there's a bit of nostalgia that's part of it as well.  For him: remembering his roots of growing up in India having tea daily.  And for me: recalling fond memories of Russian caravan tea, artful china, real Devonshire cream, and the tastiest petit fours a young girl could ever imagine!  Thanks Auntie!

Pic of our snacks we enjoy with our daily tea!

Mine: recently English Breakfast tea

His: always Homemade Indian Masala chai

Uni-tasking Mamas: Be Proud!

After reading Now Discover your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham a while back, I proudly proclaim -- I'm simply NOT a multi-tasker!  You give me a task (please just one) and it will be researched, thoroughly thought out, and then reported upon and/or accomplished.  And done right the first time!   It takes great effort for me to multi-task anything, and do it well.  It's indeed not a weakness, it's just not one of my strengths.  


Some women are naturally multi-taskers -- namely my sister Bonnie!  4 kids, 1 on the way, and she seems to do it with ease.  She can filter out the noise and still focus.  She can cook dinner while talking on the phone, receive a second call on the other line, and entertain an infant in the highchair, all at the same time.   Meanwhile, do a load of laundry downstairs!   In the end, the meal is perfect, the clothes are clean and dry, the people on the phone feel heard/valued, and the kids feels secure in their mom's love!  (My husband wishes to add "She could also be...quite possibly...from another planet!!"  


I am her exact opposite: a uni-tasker!  You see, in the above scenario, my dinner would be burnt, I'd be pressing buttons on the phone accidentally and lose at least one of the calls (not really hearing anything the person was saying in the first place), and my son would be bored, probably feeding the dog his dinner!  And oh yeah,...the clothes would be long-forgotten in the washer, not being dried til the next day when I remember them.  No joke.  I prefer to do the laundry while I'm sleeping or running errands, make dinner ahead of time while Munchkin sleeps (or do a crockpot meal), and maybe just talk on the phone while I feed him.   Everything still gets done, but not all at once, which frazzles me.


I have become better at muti-tasking after I HAD TO, upon entering the "real world" post-college.  I even had to 'white lie' through my first job interview or two for small jobs when asked about it, just to get the job!  My husband contributes this valuable insight, as well: that your computer's processor is in fact called a "multi-processor' but it actually prioritizes and queues the many tasks you ask of it, then executes them one by one.  This is exactly what I have come to do to work around not being a natural mutli-tasker!  And now, I could 'pass' as a multi-tasker, but I prefer silence so I can focus and do it right.   


And take these seriously successful people for example.  1) Tiger Woods -- known for his ability to focus and be "in the zone."  2) Steve Lescarbeau -- lesser known, but proclaimed a "Stock Market Wizard" as a very successful mutual fund trader who works alone in his thoughts, in his quiet, home-office, away from Wallstreet.  So both UNI and MULTI tasking mamas can be proud!  It doesn't really matter how we do what we do, just that it's done!


Who says multi-tasking is better than uni-tasking?  When did possessing this strength equate to being a good mom?  That's my question today for you -- and for myself!