Another Baby?!? Not me...not yet.

So Munchkin isn't the only one learning new things lately! This past month brought a first for me as well -- babysitting! I was given the privilege to babysit a few friend's kids. Each of the experiences gave me a glimpse into the types of dilemmas a mom of two little ones feels: One baby crying, but the other needs a diaper change, one needs silence to sleep, but the other needs rocked, one hurts his finger, but the other's sleeping and you certainly don't want to disturb THAT one. Physically and logistically, babysitting for short spurts of time wasn't beyond my capabilities, but what about day in and day out! How do you go to the restroom, or take a shower, or cook or clean, or fold laundry with two kids? Yikes. The greatest challenge I'm sure would be emotionally -- the guilt of not being able to respong to the older one. All this, plus the multiple times per week I am asked "So, when will you try for your second," has led me to ponder, yet again, the issue of a second child.

Despite fielding this question quite frequently lately, I have not allowed myself to really think about it. I find that it positively overwhelms me to "go there" in my mind. My gut reaction to that question is "Woh, stop right there. Who said we're gonna have a second? I'm still just enjoying Munchkin and the whole experience of becoming a parent! Why would I throw another ball in the air intentionally?" It seems like most women, after going through it once, then feel ready to do it again with no problem! So many of the same deep, soul-searching questions arise in me with the idea of a second as arose when we considered conceiving in the first place. I didn't expect that. I thought once I had a baby, the desire to have a second would come to me naturally; but, the opposite has happened. I find myself thinking twice, and thrice (and in circles) about it. After going through pregnancy (quite pleasant), labor/delivery (way too long/difficult), and post-partum (awful), I personally have NO desire to volunteer for it again. Yes, Munchkin was a 100% planned pregnancy, but I didn't know all that it would entail ;-) You know...? Not that I would change anything, it's just that now that I've gone through the whole of maternity, it's not a delightful mystery it once was, and I don't see labor/delivery as some major rite of passage like many moms have proclaimed it to be. Not to be pessimistic, but for me, that's one BIG reason to consider adoption again. That's IF hubby can talk me into having a second.

So, to me, the possibility of having a second carries with it four BIG questions: Do I have the courage it would take to have a second, venturing into the uncertainty of pregnancy/delivery once again!? Do we have the support/resources around us to have a second, cause Lord knows I'd need a breaks from the kids more often than I carve them out for myself now! And do I have the selflessness it takes to have more than one child? And finally, will Hubby's desire for Munchkin to have a sibling (since he was an only-child) outway all the previous questions!? For now the answers are "NO. Surely not. Not yet." And "Lord knows!!!"

If anything changes, I'll be sure to let all of you know ;-)

1 comment:

  1. I know how you feel. When I got married that was all I heard "when are you going to have a baby?!" So we had Orion and then almost instantly it was "when are you having another one?" Now it's "how many more do you want?". People will always ask lol.